Let Laughter Come Unbidden

My heart began to skip a wild beat in my chest and these gleaming eyes of mine almost bulged out my head. A smile had made its way incognito to my lips just before near incomprehensible words fumbled out my mouth and were quickly caught up in giddy laughter. Adam couldn’t help but look at me a bit sideways.

…When Hope wells up and over inside of you there isn’t always time to calculate your next move or how it is going to come out. And sometimes the stupid smile that has decided it’s making its home on your face for a good long while is enough to provoke bewilderment for all involved.

Just like waves of grief can hit like a freak storm and you can feel like you are suddenly drowning in sorrow, hope too, can catch us off guard in the same sudden way. It wells up within us from a deep cistern of emotion that we didn’t even know was there.

I have known well what if feels like to be caught off guard by sorrow. The way that tears flow unbidden down cheeks and cries catch in your throat. But being caught off guard by hope? The kind that rings loud with laughter and is accompanied by an ear to ear grin that makes your cheeks ache? That feels like unexplored terrain; wild with beauty and beckoning with fresh invitation. Both exhilarating, and terrifying.

I remember the moment that I watched two lines become visible on a pregnancy test for the first time in 6 years. I had all the intentions of telling Adam about it in some grandiose gesture. But one look at this face of mine all flushed with joy?
Oh, he knew.

Have you felt it? Hope that catches you off guard? The kind that wells up and flows over?
When an opportunity comes that resurrects a dream you thought had died long ago?
When your hand finds his and all feels right again and you wonder if maybe everything could be okay?
When the doctor comes in with hushed tones and a soft smile and assures you that you have caught it in time?
…..The welling up of hope.

In my own journey this side of journey, I have sat with friends and offered my heartache. I have asked for prayer in my sorrow and I have stood in front of hundreds of people and shared vulnerably about grief and the ache of eternity etched in the human heart.  And while sorrow is uncomfortable, it has been familiar. 

But recently, I sat across from two women who are fellow sojourners of mine. We meet weekly to share our lives, study God’s Word, and offer prayers for one another. Over the past couple of years, I know they have prayed many prayers for me and my family. 
Prayers for our extended family as we waited for updates from the ICU.
Prayers as my husband traveled across borders to say goodbyes too soon.
Prayers for our littlest babe in a flurry of fevers and emergency room trips.
Prayers for our sweet niece who was born too soon; the one who can fit in the palm of her daddy’s hand.

And yet when I went to ask for prayer for the reason I couldn’t stop smiling?Laughter turned to a lump in my throat and I could barely utter the words. It was as if voicing my deepest longings and hopes could somehow make them void.

Because this Hope that wells up and out of us?
What if no sooner than it overflows that it runs dry?

Remember that pregnancy test with the two lines? I had to go back and re-read the instructions to make sure I was interpreting the results correctly. And even then, I quickly reminded myself that I knew from experience that two lines didn’t mean a babe in arms.

So, that hope overflowing? Fear started damming it up and building a protective wall around this heart of mine as soon as I realized it was there. 

Have you felt that too?

Fear whispers and we begin to wonder if that dream resurrected was better off under the ground.
If that person we love most will fail us again.
If the treatment we are given will actually take.

And in the waiting and the uncertainty, with walls built up and positioned for disappointment, our hearts start to wither. Proverbs 13:12 says as much.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

We have this sideways way of placing the weight of our hope and longing upon the babe in the womb, the dream in our hearts, the hand that we hold, or the very flesh that holds us together through this life.

But all of those things Beloved?
They can’t bear the weight of the Hope of glory that has been etched upon the human heart.
We were made to hope.
But even good things, when they become ultimate things, will eventually teeter and fall. 

I can remember holding tight to that pregnancy test. Fear of disappointment threatened to rob every ounce of joy, even as I fixed my eyes upon the two blue lines that invited laughter unbidden and boldly declared life.
Two blue lines in the shape of a cross.

Beloved, might the invitation to an overflowing, never drying up kind of Hope be found in two wooden beams that are in the shape of a cross too?
The cross that bore the weight of our Saviour. (Or rather our Saviour that bore the weight of the cross)
The cross upon which our Lord gave up His life, that He might boldly declare life for all who choose to trust in Him.

Though our hopes on this side of heaven might be deferred for a little while, I promise that the hope we place in Jesus will never disappoint.
Because the God Man who hung on that cross carried all of our disappointments.
He bore the weight of all of our sorrow.
He took upon Himself all of our pain.

And Beloved One? He Alone can carry the full weight of our Hope.
Because He alone was meant to fulfill it.
There are so many good gifts to be found today. So much joy to participate in.
So, let the unbidden laughter ring loud. Let the person next to you glance at you sideways when your eyes bulge out of your head and you can’t stop grinning ear to ear.
And when the fear of disappointment begins to whisper?
Don’t wall up your heart. Don’t choke down the laughter.
We cannot void our hope by uttering words, for His Word loudly declares that He has and will fulfill all Hope.

Invite the One who meets You in the waiting and offers Himself as the fulfillment to the very deepest Hopes of your heart. And no matter what we encounter this side of heaven?
This kind of hope will never run dry.

     Jalene